I need some girl advice here…

Okay, I am aware that I am seriously challenged when it comes to girl stuff.
I own an eyeliner for glamorous occasions, but not a singe shoe with any heel.
When my hair starts bothering me, I pull the ends around and chop them off.
Other than that, it is clean.
For the most part I am perfectly happy with this.

I have, however, an eighteen year-old daughter.
We've already dealt with the more conventional mother/daughter uncomfortable discussions: periods, the sex talks, and the like.
But now we've reached areas where I have to retire baffled and silenced.
Here's one: Is my leg too hairy; do I have to shave all the time?
And, even worse, how do I get my hair to do that?
You might as well go ask your dad, dear, because I am clueless.

We survived learning how to put up ballet buns (shudders at the memory), produce French twists for special shows, and the like.
We figured out how not to have huge hunks of tangles in long, thick and curly hair.
That's been enough for me.
Up until this spring Sair had never cut her hair, but part of the whole suddenly she's really an adult thing going on here included her taking some scissors and having at it.
(She did ask first if we would mind – I think just for information – and of course no problem.)
Now she's got  about three inches of hair around her face,, lengthening out to not-quite shoulder length at the back.
It is quite curly, and really looks cute.
But, sadly, cutting it is only the beginning.
Now she wants it to do things..
If she washes it and brushes it, it makes soft waves.
When she wakes up it stands straight out in spiky bits..
For ballet she can tame it to lie flat with the application on hideous amounts of gel.
But I think she wants to be more in control of how it manifests itself.
And I am completely useless on the subject.

At the drug store there are rows and rows of hair junk all making different claims, and frankly I don't even understand what it is they say they do.
There is an entire technology here whose existence I never even suspected.
And it is not just the bottles, but it seems there are procedures involving brushing, combing or whatever at work here too.
But this is all way, way beyond me.

So, what do you guys do with your hair, why, and HOW?

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28 responses to this post.

  1. Lol, thank BeJesus I am a guy.Sorry.

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  2. ((((hairhugs))))I'm NO help — sorry — mine is shortish and in layers and it's curly/wavy — I wash it then it just dries on its own into fat fluffy waves. Sometimes I don't even pat it dry or comb it into shape. It's that easy. When it was longer and I was younger (heh) I blew it dry and it would sweat into the big curly waves, no matter what anyone did to it, so I never ever bothered with any products. Except when I was around 12 and SPRAYING our helmet-heads and flips was required. I wish I could help….

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  3. Well..I'm no help but if Grumble Bunny's in your neighborhood, I'd ask her. She's got the cutest curly hair and knows just what to do with it. She helped me when I started growing out my hair.

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  4. I have wavy hair. I like it to be wavy so I use stuff to help it be wavy. I wash it and tousel it dry and blow dry it with a diffuser. In dry weather, it doesn't want to be wavy and I get mad at it. Whatever she does now, lw, she'll change it in a couple of years. Let her play around and find out what all she can do.

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  5. I'm back — just took some pix for you – the hair's still wet and it's literally just out of the shower– did nothing to it. With layers, that works, since it's so wavy. I *heart* layers…………Here.

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  6. oh. the link didn't work. Phooey.

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  7. Here. I hope.

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  8. The link works…

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  9. It's called a hairdresser…see one.Seriously, get the kid a real haircut by someone who can show her how to fix it and talk tricks.Also, lots of celebrities wear wigs, hair pieces, extensions and weaves – so their hair isn't really "doing that" either! A lot of what you see in pictures is magic.The best bet is to take her to a stylist, get a real haircut suited for her age, face shape and hair type and have that person explain the goops and gels and shampoos and drying techniques. When arranging for this cut I would ask for the person at the salon who knows curly hair the best.

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  10. I have super straight, super fine hair, so I am not much help in the curly department. That said, I agree with VeryScaryCarnival. See a professional. No amount of product experimentation or magazine analyzing taught me how to work with my hair better than my hairdresser. I still cut my own hair from time to time, but it is always worth the investment to go and get tips on everything from managing cowlicks to dry scalp.

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  11. Great advice!!!

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  12. My mom is like you. I just learned it on my own. (Before the internet!) And then I ended up teaching my mom a few things and it turned out to be a really good thing for us. ME teaching my MOM. It was very touching to be able to teach her something. I like VeryScary's idea. Especially if you point out to the salon that your daughter wants to learn how to take care of it herself and that's it's a new thing for her. They want her to look good, and they want her to come back. πŸ™‚ Win win for everyone!

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  13. I have to second this comment. Took the words right off of my finger tips…

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  14. Yes, a stylist is the way to go – your daughter can tell him/her exactly what she wants, what interests her and what she can do on her own. My hair is bobbed, and I pretty much leave the cut to my hair dresser; the only thing I do myself is trim my bangs now and then, and that's easy, as long as you have a pair of sharp, strong scissors and a ruler.

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  15. As I have confessed on my blog, I have effortless fuck-me hair. I don't have to do anything to mine except: get it trimmed and wash it with nice shampoo–nothing with petroleum products.The secret to good hair I am convinced is a really good haircut from a hair stylist who understands what your hair can/can't/should/shouldn't be made to do. I get my hair cut at an Aveda salon where they charge me $70 for twenty minutes of work. Totally worth it. My hair does what it's meant to do and flatters me. When I get a cheap haircut, it shows. The right stylist will learn Sair's hair and be able to teach her about what her hair can do.

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  16. BUT, BUT the big caveat is get a stylist you can trust. one that will not tell you you HAVE to have their salon's line of approved overpriced products. talk to some friends, co-workers, etc and see if there is one your area that they trust to tell them the straight truth as it were. Someone who will tell her that product X in their salon is just like product Y at the supermarket. If you've no one around you that has a salon they trust then try visiting a few, take a look at the clientele. maybe even chat a few up while you're waiting to talk to someone who works there. get the low down from them about the salon's practices.

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  17. Yes, i have curls. lots and lots of curls. I'll make the picture I took of my hair cut last week viewable to my neighborhood, sorry world – I don't want you to know what I look like. I wrote a post about my curls once. And I recommend the book, Curly Girl by lorraine massey, and I swear by certain products that work for me, but you have to try until you find ones for you. I am a KMS girl. But, I also always keep Paul Mitchell's awapuhi shampoo and Extra-charged conditioner in the shower. PM has a spray conditioner I love but can't recall the name of, probably awapuhi something. I don't use any styling products at all, just conditioners. I absolutely LOVE samy's BIG CURLS. I am on my third tube. I started using that when Loreal stopped making Anti-frizz cream. And I hate them for it and won't ever use ANY loreal product ever again out of protest.Agreed on finding a stylist that understands curls.Visit: Naturallycurly.com

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  18. Here's another vote for VeryScary's idea. You could even make it a Mom & daughter "bonding" day. And you get a haircut too. For solidarity & all that. When my hair has a good cut the "maintenance" is really minimal. I put some mousse in the roots just for volume, blow dry with my head upside down for a few minutes & then pretty much finger style or use a round brush to make it go the way I want. Then there's this "styling wax" stuff in a jar. Just put a little on your fingertips & work it into the ends to get that "piecy" look. Have fun!

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  19. I am clueless about products. I wash and go. Hopefully you'll find someone more "girly" than either of us!

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  20. At the moment, I'm a wash-and-air-dry gal. I use a little smoothing gel, just to keep the static in check, but beyond that I don't do anything to it. And needless to say, it looks it. I'm still contemplating getting the pixie cut.
    I agree with everyone, however, who recommends getting a good cut by a good stylist, but make sure the stylist also understands how much time and effort you're willing to put into it yourself. There's no point getting tips on how to foof it up with a stying brush and dryer if you're not willing (or, like me, not capable) of doing so.
    As far as shampoo and stuff, I tend to gravitate toward the pricier stuff (that doesn't have alcohols, etc. in it), but at the moment it doesn't seem to be making much difference. It's still frizzy-looking, thanks to the natural wave, which is sadly just enough to make it naturally look like I just crawled out of bed. Pleh!

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  21. A good hairdresser, a good shampoo, and No 'products'.

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  22. Good luck! My hair is long and fairly straight, so I can't help you out. The neighborly suggestions that you go to a stylist for the haircut…make sure the stylist KNOWS how to cut curly hair

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  23. A good stylist will ask you how far you are willing to go for maintenance and styling. And if they don't ask, you just have to tell them. It also helps if you tell the stylist what sort of activities you are involved in and how often. Example: I swim in a chlorinated pool 3 times a week, or I am in the sun a lot, or I draw and paint so bangs in my eyes are out of the question. And no, you don't have to buy the products they are selling, but they will still be able to tell you if your hair needs more moisture or a little gel or some of that frizz-eze type stuff. After that it is just trial and error and personal preference.As far as 'no products'…it really depends on the hair type and what you want to do with it. You can't have an excellent and sturdy beehive without the Aqua Net. I don't use a mouse all the time but there are days when the air just has my hair doing goofy things and a dab of mouse works it out. A leave in conditioner once in a while never killed anyone and can double as a pomade.One thing I am not shy about is asking people where they got their hair cut. If I see someone with a great cut or color I will not hesitate to ask who did it and how long ago. You can tell a good cut by how well it grows out sometimes. The best haircut I ever had was from a place in NYC called MudHoney. I found them on the internet by searching "rock and roll hair styles" or something close to that. I didn't go to NYC JUST to get a haircut, but while I was there I made an appointment. Yes, I am a hair hopper…

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  24. Hehe! …I'm laughing about this—Sowwy! ..My daughter has thick beautiful hair but w/o a single curl unless she puts it there, however; her daughter (my granddaughter) has hair like me, full of waves and body. She bugged her mom until she was finally allowed to get a spiral perm. That was her first perm and she was a little pissed that I didn't notice it. MY BAD!

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  25. Hi! I'm wondering what happened, hairwise……..

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  26. Hi!!Pretty much she's just working things through trial-and-error.She's been continuing to mess with it, with the top getting shorter and shorter now that her ballet performances are over, so she no longer needs to make it at least look as if there is a bun going on.So I keep noticing little lots of hair in the sink as she fiddles with it – she's got pretty curly hair, so it's very forgiving in the matter of exactness of trim.The back is still a bit longer, so it can either be more curly hanging about, or be scooped into a bun.It isn't so much a shag, as something like one of those 18th dealies where there are curly things near the face, and the rest of it up.

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  27. I don't mean to laugh, but you sound so much like me…well, it's hilarious!There's a reason I missed this question until now! I trim my limp, lifeless, fine hair when it needs trimming. Other than that….nuthin'. I hope someone else gave you some useful advice! πŸ™‚

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  28. The suggestion to send her to a stylist is a good one, except that I don't know any, and I don't think Sair'd be willing to just trust to her luck.Her hair is so curly that it pretty much just hides any problem anyway.And she's heading off to live in a dorm, so I imagine anything she needs to know will probably seep in through social osmosis.At this point she's finding it vastly entertaining.It's been long all her life before this, so now it's like she wakes up every morning with no idea what her hair will do today.

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