After I got my assignment I realized what a fool I am to think I could produce a missive worthy of your attention, let alone your abuse.
But as my senses cleared, I began to think.
After all, I know what a harness is, and have many inventive notions of what it can be used for.
And sometimes I can spell.
I know that small neighboring children seem unappealing at first, and that a closer acquaintance does nothing to improve them. Though I have some ideas of how they could be rendered really, really quiet.
I revere the ability to triage belongings, and the brilliance of coercing cold cash from the public for the privilege of removing crap. I was truly thrilled at the opportunity to collect it all from your neighbors for further study.
I've done lots of stuff that I am virtually certain wouldn't impress you.
But if you wanted to attempt to master the math behind matrix isomorphism I would glory in watching it annoy you.
I know much more than is reasonable about your non-virtual neighbors, and I have a few theories for how to employ gravity and radiation — and even a few simple blunt objects — in improving their behavior.
You aren't catching, truly.
Although I doalways wear gloves when pawing through your garbage, surely I'd know if you were.
Suffice it to say, I'll be seeing more of you soon.
And your little dog too.
I look forward to the opportunity to worship at your lovely, pedicured feet.
For further annoyance, you know where to find me — just look around.